"A woman's heart should be so close to God that a man should have to chase Him to find her."
(C.S. Lewis)"
I think this quote is just so eloquent.
But it also makes me pause. And I hope I am not offending anyone with my following thoughts, but they shouldn't be shocking to anyone in the Church.
That being said...I don't know if it is just me and my perception, but I have noticed a growing number of men and women in the faith that are marrying outside of the faith. Are we still looking for converted baptized members as our mates, or are people giving up and looking elsewhere?
I have had several people, with the very best of intentions; suggest that I try dating through websites like eHarmony, etc. And while I wholeheartedly appreciate their concern, it surprises me every time. Why would I do that? I believe that the Bible is very clear about people not being unequally yoked (II Cor. 6:14). Don’ t these verses mean that a baptized member shouldn’t be dating, let alone marrying, outside of the faith?
And believe me, I know that marrying someone inside the faith doesn’t promise bliss and perfection, but at least the marriage is (or should) be starting with the equal understanding of God’s role in the marriage. Two converted people would always have God as their foundation.
I think that marrying outside of the faith is even harder on women than men, although I could be wrong. If a woman is trying to exemplify and serve her husband as a Christian wife, and…submit (gasp, I used the “s” word :), which is a hard thing to do, how much harder would it be to do with a husband that didn’t have God’s Holy Spirit? When you marry someone that is converted, hopefully they would at least appreciate the effort submission takes! Cause let’s face it, if it was easy, everyone would do it. :)
Okay, what if someone married a man that was a “Christian”. What do you do with the kids? Do you take them with you on the Sabbath, and your spouse takes them on Sunday? What about Christmas and Easter, or when they are old enough to understand the sermons that called their other parent deceived and wrong? What if your son hits six years old and would rather play t-ball than go to Church? How are they to learn to keep God’s laws, if one of the main suppliers of human behavior is not exemplifying it on a daily basis?
But say you met the most understanding and supportive person ever. Say, they had no problem whatsoever with your faith and all it encompasses, whether it be unclean foods, or the Holy Days. But the one area of your life that is the most important, the part that motivates how you live, what you say, and how you love is the very area that they just can’t understand and you won’t be able to share with them on a deep level.
And on the practical side, I don’t want to go to Sabbath services or the Feast on my own. I don’t want to go to Sabbath dinner at my parent’s house and not be able to have spiritual conversations because it might offend or exclude my husband. I have visions of sitting in services with my husband beside me and my children playing (quietly, thank you!) on the floor. Leaning over and telling them to “hush” when they get too loud.
What about God calling members through us from outside. Does God really call people just because we decide to date outside the Church? Does He need us to broaden our horizons so that He can call people? Does He just decide to overlook II Corinthians? A person can’t just decide to “convert” to this knowledge and all the pushing and manipulating we do in any circumstance will not make it happen for the right reasons. I keep thinking of that old saying, “the path to hell is paved with good intentions”.
I deeply want to be married, I mean…come on, seriously…have you met me? But I don’t want to settle, and I don’t want to create some situation that is a counterfeit of what God really has for me because of my lack of faith or my fear.
It is hard to be alone. It’s hard to think about never being blessed with a husband and children. But I can tell you right now, I would rather be single and occasionally lonely than married to the wrong person. As one of my favorite quotes goes, “I can feel like crap all on my own, I don’t need anyone else’s help”.
Am I crazy? Should I just jump on the bandwagon? Should I just tell God, “nice try, but I am tired of waiting”? I mean, what if God’s answer is “no” to my prayers to be married? I guess that is the hard part, waiting on God. God knows what I want, because you know I am very clear! :) And He knows what I need, because He knows my heart. He knows me better than I know myself.
(C.S. Lewis)"
I think this quote is just so eloquent.
But it also makes me pause. And I hope I am not offending anyone with my following thoughts, but they shouldn't be shocking to anyone in the Church.
That being said...I don't know if it is just me and my perception, but I have noticed a growing number of men and women in the faith that are marrying outside of the faith. Are we still looking for converted baptized members as our mates, or are people giving up and looking elsewhere?
I have had several people, with the very best of intentions; suggest that I try dating through websites like eHarmony, etc. And while I wholeheartedly appreciate their concern, it surprises me every time. Why would I do that? I believe that the Bible is very clear about people not being unequally yoked (II Cor. 6:14). Don’ t these verses mean that a baptized member shouldn’t be dating, let alone marrying, outside of the faith?
And believe me, I know that marrying someone inside the faith doesn’t promise bliss and perfection, but at least the marriage is (or should) be starting with the equal understanding of God’s role in the marriage. Two converted people would always have God as their foundation.
I think that marrying outside of the faith is even harder on women than men, although I could be wrong. If a woman is trying to exemplify and serve her husband as a Christian wife, and…submit (gasp, I used the “s” word :), which is a hard thing to do, how much harder would it be to do with a husband that didn’t have God’s Holy Spirit? When you marry someone that is converted, hopefully they would at least appreciate the effort submission takes! Cause let’s face it, if it was easy, everyone would do it. :)
Okay, what if someone married a man that was a “Christian”. What do you do with the kids? Do you take them with you on the Sabbath, and your spouse takes them on Sunday? What about Christmas and Easter, or when they are old enough to understand the sermons that called their other parent deceived and wrong? What if your son hits six years old and would rather play t-ball than go to Church? How are they to learn to keep God’s laws, if one of the main suppliers of human behavior is not exemplifying it on a daily basis?
But say you met the most understanding and supportive person ever. Say, they had no problem whatsoever with your faith and all it encompasses, whether it be unclean foods, or the Holy Days. But the one area of your life that is the most important, the part that motivates how you live, what you say, and how you love is the very area that they just can’t understand and you won’t be able to share with them on a deep level.
And on the practical side, I don’t want to go to Sabbath services or the Feast on my own. I don’t want to go to Sabbath dinner at my parent’s house and not be able to have spiritual conversations because it might offend or exclude my husband. I have visions of sitting in services with my husband beside me and my children playing (quietly, thank you!) on the floor. Leaning over and telling them to “hush” when they get too loud.
What about God calling members through us from outside. Does God really call people just because we decide to date outside the Church? Does He need us to broaden our horizons so that He can call people? Does He just decide to overlook II Corinthians? A person can’t just decide to “convert” to this knowledge and all the pushing and manipulating we do in any circumstance will not make it happen for the right reasons. I keep thinking of that old saying, “the path to hell is paved with good intentions”.
I deeply want to be married, I mean…come on, seriously…have you met me? But I don’t want to settle, and I don’t want to create some situation that is a counterfeit of what God really has for me because of my lack of faith or my fear.
It is hard to be alone. It’s hard to think about never being blessed with a husband and children. But I can tell you right now, I would rather be single and occasionally lonely than married to the wrong person. As one of my favorite quotes goes, “I can feel like crap all on my own, I don’t need anyone else’s help”.
Am I crazy? Should I just jump on the bandwagon? Should I just tell God, “nice try, but I am tired of waiting”? I mean, what if God’s answer is “no” to my prayers to be married? I guess that is the hard part, waiting on God. God knows what I want, because you know I am very clear! :) And He knows what I need, because He knows my heart. He knows me better than I know myself.
So, who better to decide my future in this area, then the God that knew from the beginning?
Posts
2 comments:
Hi Andrea,
2 True Stories:
1. Me; God called me (into WWCG)when I was married-to my first husband-unconverted. I had tried leaving him before I was called & ended up leaving him after I was called & took our 2 children with me-to a shelter; he didn't know where we had gone. During the next year that it took for my divorce to become final, I did not date, but prayed very earnestly for a good husband/father for me/my children. A year after that I met him, and a year after that we were married...
we've been married for 19 years & have a son together & 2 grandsons. He is everything I asked for & continues to grow in the fruits of the spirit.
2. A man I know was in WWCG. His wife left him after years of marriage when WWCG "fell apart" & he lived in a very remote area. Only a few people there in the Truth, some of them family & that's where his business was. He didn't want to move, so he asked God for a wife. He had no idea how God would do this. One day, when hew was buying supplies for his business, at a place he'd gone many times, a woman he had talked to before "somehow" became "interested" in his beliefs & started to ask him questions about them. They'd chat on & off whenever he was there to buy supplies. God called this woman & she responded. She was baptized & began attending church... eventually they were married & they are very happily married to this day....
Never underestimate God's matchmaking ability! With Him NOTHING is impossible! Have a great day Andrea! :o)
"Sybil"
Hi Sybil,
Thank you so much for the encouragement! I needed that!!!!!!!!! It is hard not to get discouraged sometimes, but stories like this help me keep my head on straight.
Take care,
Andrea :)
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