Settling?

This post from Anna T. is so amazing. Not just because I clearly enjoy her blog (see Blogs I Enjoy to the right), but because it is something I have been thinking about a great deal lately. You can guess why, can't ya?! The article that she mentions in the TimesOnline called Settle For Less in Love, is very thought provoking, but I also recognize the feminist theme to it all.

The idea of settling has always intrigued me for several reasons, one, because it's a tempting prospect that gets more and more tempting as time goes by; two, I have several friends that did just that, but in the sense that Anna talks of, not the article in TimesOnline...and you know what? They are very happily married. Three, because I have friends that have pushed good men away because of a difference of opinion (small, not big like whether or not to have children) or because they didn't feel an instant connection.

Now there is something to be said for attraction (a lot really, but I will leave that for another time), but people do grow to be attracted to each other in some instances. The hard part for some of us in the Church is the long distance. It is hard to develop a relationship or attraction when you are not able to see each other face to face, but having just written that it can also work in a person's favor too because it takes some of the physical out of the equation. Hmmm....yep, topic for another time.

I also found the comments of Anna's husband interesting. That he had grown tired of women that expected to be swept off their feet on a first date. How many of us girls have secretly wanted that, only to be disappointed when it doesn't happen? Why do we expect such instantaneous attraction, and feet sweeping? Some would say, it's the fairy tales, those darn princesses just ruined it for everyone. I don't believe that. My grandmother read those same stories as a child, but I don't think she was looking for prince charming in an unrealistic way. If I had a blame something (besides Satan trying to destroy family, by creating unrealistic images of marriage) I would blame Hollywood and romance books.

Hollywood has created this idea of excitement, tragedy and passion all culminating into one beautiful conclusion. The same goes with romance books. All the excitement happens before the marriage even takes place. The climax of the book is always the proposal or the wedding itself. You never see a romance book mention all the humdrum stuff that takes place after that...you know, like the next 50 years! Don't ask me how I know all this about romance books, because it is just too pathetic to speak of and not an issue anymore.

On another note I believe that women are not the only ones that have false expectations. I have talked to several women recently about how they feel that men in the Church are only interested in "Barbie" type girls. They don't want a woman that isn't physically perfect, or older than 30. I haven't witnessed this firsthand from any of the guys I know, but it is definitely an assumption I have heard girls make or that they have experienced themselves.

Shoot, I have even defended a guy I barely know because I mentioned to someone that I had heard that although he was very good looking and he had his act together, he was shy and then that girl said, "no, he's just an arrogant jerk and only likes beautiful girls", which could have been true for all I know, but I hardly think any sane man would have come out and said that and expected to live. That whole conversation just smacked of assumption, which again is another topic for another time. I agree with Anna. We certainly shouldn't settle in areas that are truly important, i.e. faith or children, but women like myself need to open ourselves up a little and stop looking for Mr. Perfect and instead look for Mr. Right for us.

Sheesh, I talk a lot. :) Good thing this is my blog, huh?