Why Men Don't Court Women Anymore

I read Ana's blog pretty much every week day (see sidebar). And I have to say her post today really got me thinking. The title is Why Men Don't Court Women Anymore. This topic brings up a good question. It is a question that many girls, especially the church girls I know, lament frequently. We know there are good church guys out there, we have seen them and heard about them....but, still wonder....okay, where are they?

And from that question then we start questioning ourselves more...are we asking for too much? Are men just not able to be the providers in the family...or maybe they just don't want to? Is physical attraction really all that important? Is it really important for him to be converted? Could I work around it? The questions can be endless and often times depressing to consider.

Sometimes we just have to stop asking questions we already know the answers to, sit tight and wait on God.

I would be the first person to admit that waiting on God can be a bumpy road, but then I guess if it was easy...everyone would do it, huh?

Who You Callin An Ape?

I came across this article and am vacillating between finding it funny...to finding it downright scary. There will come a time in the US when we give "rights" to apes, but I thank God we are not there yet. Don't get me wrong, I love me some animals, even the lice picking ones, but they are not humans, nor are they our "brothers". They are animals...cute...but still animals.

Can you tell I don't believe in evolution?

Side note: Did you notice how the picture shows a sad ape behind a fence? I am sure they didn't do that by mistake.

Work Boyfriend?

I have been working in law firms for the last ten years, and I can attest to the fact that office flirting can be a very tricky proposition. I found this article (link here) very interesting. People often turn a blind eye to the statistic on how many people have affairs with their co-workers. I would think more men would take that into account when deciding their wives should work outside of the home, especially if the women want to stay at home. That can create a situation where a woman is very vulnerable. Not always, mind you, but it can be tempting!

Platonic work flirting: Good for business?

They ate lunch together almost every day. They commiserated over professional and personal woes, and when projects ran long at the San Francisco architecture firm where they were both summer interns, they checked building plans together until they were sprung from the office at 10 p.m.

"She was fun to hang out with, and sometimes she would do things that some might consider flirty, like run a hand through my hair to mess it up," says Hayes Shair, now 25. "Sometimes I'd sort of flirt back."

But Shair was dating his college sweetheart at the time. This woman was more like his "work girlfriend" -- a coworker with whom one flirts platonically during office hours but without any romantic intentions.

It's hardly a unique situation. The career information Web site Vault.com reports that in a 2007 office-romance survey of 575 employees, 23 percent said they had a "work husband" or a "work wife."

As with real spouses, work spouses turn to each other for mental and emotional support, perhaps share inside jokes or even bicker like married couples. But that's where the line is drawn.

Having a work spouse can give you an emotional connection without a professional nosedive. Heidi Reeder, associate professor of communication at Boise State University in Idaho, says it can be a good thing.

Good for work?

"There are some cases where the motivation of flirting is to get the person into bed. But I think what a lot of people don't realize is that there are other reasons why people might be motivated to flirt, like developing a positive relationship with the person with compliments and touch," says Reeder, whose teaching specialties include gender and workplace communication.

"It's an esteem booster for both men and women to have a little flirtation in their day -- it makes them feel a little better, gives them a little more energy."

Liking your co-workers might make you more excited about coming to work, too. "You're happy to see them," Reeder says, "instead of, 'Ugh, I hate these people.'"

In fact, flirting might even have some indirect benefits on the job, says Reeder, citing research conducted at the University of South Alabama in 2003 showing that people who don't flirt very much have lower energy levels and rate themselves as less attractive than people who flirt a lot.

"It seems like having higher energy levels and thinking that you're attractive might help you make the sale, and it can help you be more responsive to your partner in the bedroom," she says.

Flirting with trouble

Of course, there is always the risk that platonic work flirting may be asking for trouble.Last summer, Cheryl, 26 -- happily married for two years and six months pregnant with her second child -- found an easy self-esteem boost in her work boyfriend's adulation. "He fawned over me, complimented me on my cutting wit, my sassy outfits and sizzling personality," she says, which left her "flustered and giggly schoolgirl-ish."

Though her husband complimented her constantly, his words paled in comparison: "It's like how your mom always tells you you're beautiful. It's expected," she explains. "Getting the compliments from an outsider was refreshing."

Cheryl, who asked that her last name not be used given the sensitive nature of the topic, had no intention of starting an actual affair. In fact, even though she was suffering from a waning sex drive because of her pregnancy, her work flirtations sparked a flame at home with her husband.

But eventually the office flirting crossed a line, and she had to stop it.

"Over the months, our banter had more of a sexual overtone, at times downright raunchy," Cheryl recalls. Moreover, she became obsessed with his affection, and jealous when he flirted with other female coworkers.

Cheryl, now tending to her two young children in Wisconsin, acknowledges it wasn't her finest hour. Was it emotional cheating? "Probably," she says.

"When our conversations became so explicit I couldn't repeat them to my husband, I knew I had to cut it out," she says. "And I did ... though it wasn't until I quit working to become a stay-at-home mom and he started dating someone at work that the book finally closed on that chapter."

Where to draw the line

Is your work marriage crossing the line? Reeder outlines some questions to ask yourself:

• Would you behave the same way if your romantic partner were standing next to you?• Are your flirtations consistent with the way you normally behave?• Are you thinking about your "work spouse" while not at work?• Do you compare your "work spouse" to your real romantic partner?

As flirting can include physical contact, even though the intent is innocent, it is wise to keep in mind how such behavior might be misinterpreted by some people.

Shair, now a graduate student at Columbia University in New York City, doesn't make too big a deal of his work relationship.

"What were we supposed to do to prove that we were just friends? High-five each other?"

End

Come Back Here

I am re-reading the Power of the Praying Woman, and something struck me...

How often do I let my thoughts run away with me? There are so many instances I can think of where I have had a thought and two minutes later my thoughts are in a completely different place. And when I try to think how I got to this place, often times a very negative place, I am stumped to explain the transition. I believe that Satan works on wave lengths. He tries to impose emotions on us, but it is our responsibility to stop him. Much of time I don't think I recognize his influence for what it is. It is so compelling and seductive.

I have to work on that. :)

James 4:7

Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Rythme or Reason?

Well, I am back in my own home. I have been house sitting since Sunday at my parents while they help out with the older kids and sister in law was giving birth to Luke. I don’t mind at all, in fact it was kind of fun, but after awhile I was jumping at the bit to be in my own home. It is strange how I can yearn for my own bed! Although, I did sleep great there. They have a Murphy bed in one of the spare rooms and it is very comfortable.

I did get to watch quite a bit of television, and while watching it I realized two things. One, television gives me a headache! A big whopping headache. I am sure that if I was better acclimated to the television watching it wouldn’t be so bad, but yikes did that hurt! I don’t think it helps that my parents have a 56’ (or 52’) flat screen tv.

And the second…televisions shows and commercials can be completely vile!! I know there are a lot of shows out there that have great acting, and are very moving, but what in the world are people watching?! I caught the first 5 minutes of Bones, which started at 8 p.m., and had to turn it off because it was making me physically sick with all the graphic corpse scenes. You would think I would have gotten the clue, considering it is called Bones, but I'm slow. But at 8 o’clock at night??? Aren’t kids still up at that time? This is what they are seeing?

And I hate to bring up another show, that I KNOW people love, and that I didn’t see this week…but I have to go there...Grey’s Anatomy. The acting that I have seen on this show (the few times I have come across it) is incredible, however, the content is truly disgusting. I don’t think I have ever seen a show that is so full of sexual immorality before (not including cable, of course). I won’t get on my soapbox about how inappropriate I think these shows are for Christians, cause I would be up there a long time.

I guess, I just don’t see what is so attractive about flagrant adultery…just to name one icky issues that is a center point of the entire show. What must God think of what we are putting into our minds. And do we really think watching stuff like doesn’t mess with our minds on some level? I am not saying I am perfect. I watch stuff that probably isn’t the best. What scares me is that people are pushing the envelope on all these shows and most of us just seem to blindly going along for the ride.

I definitely won’t be getting cable (i.e. any tv channels) anytime soon. Seriously, I have said it before, and I will say it again...I think I was born in the wrong era.

Luke Daniel

Here he is. I can't wait to hold him. I am so blessed I could burst!

The Moment

I have such problems living in the moment and in MY life. I have to work on that. I have a feeling that I am missing out on a lot by not enjoying what I have at the moment. I don't want to look back on my life and realize that I missed it all, because I never really lived it at all.

Deep, huh?

Four Non-Negotiables by Candice Watters

I really like Boundless Webzine. They have a lot of common sense articles, advice and just plain interesting stuff on there. This Q & A with Candice Watters caught my eye...bet you can't guess why :) I wish our church had more articles and such like these. Someday maybe.

Four Non-Negotiables
by Candice Watters

DEAR BOUNDLESS ANSWERS

I'm a HUGE fan of Boundless. Seriously, I love it. My life is so crazy that I usually fall asleep to the Boundless podcast. Not that it puts me to sleep, it's just the only time I have to listen!.
I recently read Candice Watters's article, "When to Settle." It was absolutely what I needed to read right now in my life. Candice clearly listed four non-negotiables for choosing a husband. As a woman who wants to be a wife, I want to know what the four non-negotiables for picking a wife might be. What should I be striving to become?

REPLY

Thanks for the gushing affirmation of what we do. Hopefully you get a little of the podcast in before you actually drift off to sleep. I tend to download the show to my computer and listen in bed on Friday nights; nice to know I'm not the only one.
As you mentioned, my article "When to Settle" listed the biblically-based non-negotiables that women should be looking for in a future husband. The are:

A man must be a believer.
He must be able and willing to provide for his family.
He must love sacrificially.
He must be honest, have a good reputation and strive for the qualities of a spiritual leader. (See Acts 6:3, 1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:6-9)

In order to build a list for what men should be looking for in wives, I need to go back to Scripture. The first qualification is the same:

A woman must be a believer. Paul wrote, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). That's a requirement we must all adhere to.

The next requirements are different for men and women and here's where it gets interesting. Despite our culture's best efforts to convince us otherwise, men and women are different. Jesus said, "Haven't you read ... that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'?" (Matthew 19:3-5).

Where husbands are commanded to love sacrificially, wives are commanded to respect unconditionally. Paul wrote, Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24).

While both husband and wife must be open to the blessing of children, and teach their children to fear, love and obey God (Malachi 2:15, Deuteronomy 6:1-9, Ephesians 6:1-4), wives must be willing to bear the babies and take primary responsibility for their physical care in the early years (Titus 2:3-5, Proverbs 31:10-31).

Where men should be striving to have the qualifications of a spiritual leader, women should be developing the qualities that will make her a help to her husband. (Genesis 2:18) They include being self-controlled, pure and kind, as well as effective home managers.

In his commentary on Proverbs 31, theologian John MacArthur praises the role of woman, saying, that "caring for her household ... was the foremost priority of her life" (MacArthur Study Bible, p. 907). About Titus 2:5 he writes, "Keeping a godly home with excellence for one's husband and children is the Christian woman's non-negotiable responsibility." Noting that the book of Titus was written to a culture steeped in radical feminism, he says, "Modern feminism is
neither new nor progressive, it is age-old and regressive" (p. 1856).

This is not to say women can't or shouldn't work outside the home; most women will when they are still single and even into the early years of marriage. But once married, and especially once the children arrive, there should be a perceivable shift in a Christian woman's priorities. This is about the attitudes of a woman's heart.

As you search your own motives and desires, I pray these Scriptures will prove a vital guide.

Sincerely,
CANDICE WATTERS

One of Those Days

I am having one of those days. I am moody and crabby to start off with, plus I am doing work for another secretary that was out yesterday and somehow I am still doing her work even though she is back today....hmmmmmmmmmm. And it is an Appellate filing and no walk in the park. Funny how that works, huh? Oh and then I am totally flooded with work from the guys I really work for, all of which don't like having to wait.

And to top it off...I spilled mustard from my hot dog allllllll down the front of my pretty WHITE sundress!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even the joy of wearing my killer hot pink stilettos can help with that one. Sigh. It is a good thing I have a sense of humor, huh?

Nothing Like Gunshots to Liven a Day

Do you ever feel like the evil in the world is encroaching a little too closely into your own world? Boy, did I get a big dose of that at about 4:15 this morning. I had my bedroom window open because it was so hot last night (upstairs). I was woke up to the sound of a man and woman yelling at each other and then gun shots, and it was close. Gun shots are very distinctive and I don't know if it is the percussion or what, but its definitely different. I rolled over and grabbed the phone and dialed 911. As soon as the dispatcher picked up and said, "what's your emergency", I said, "shot fired". "shots fired"? I think that phrase was stuck in my brain from TV, but the dispatcher didn't laugh at my lingo. She asked for my address and while we were talking, there were more gunshots. I could hear at least one of the gunshot hit the guy, it make this strange sound and then he cried out and then nothing from him again. There was more yelling (lots of cussing), two guys took off in a car, but were caught by the cops about five minutes later. Police cars, ambulances and a fire truck poured into the neighborhood.

I tried to go back to sleep but my heart was racing and then I started to cry. I am not sure why, but I think it was just the adrenaline leaving. This reaction isn't surprising for me, since I can't stand raised voices. I was finally able to sleep for about another hour or so. And then while I was getting ready for services a police officer knocked on the door to interview me about what I heard or saw. I realized while talking to her that it had never occurred to me to look about my spare bedroom window, which would have given me the perfect vantage point. When I mentioned that I was sorry I hadn't been awake enough to do that the police officer said to be glad that I hadn't. I asked her if the guy was going to make it, but she couldn't tell me. I found out later today that he died and that another guy was stabbed, but will recover.

Come to find out they are gang members, but the shooting wasn't gang related. It was over a girl...go figure. I guess bad relationships will do that to you. It is just so sad. That was someone's son, and could have been someone's father or brother and now he is gone.

It has freaked me out a bit, but I know that God will protect me and my home. Ironically I live in a really nice neighborhood, but stuff happens everywhere.

Oh, and do I have great friends or what? Stacey and James offered to stay with me for a couple of nights in case I was scared...and Brett and Becca offered for me to stay with them. It is such a blessing to have friends that truly love me. I didn't take them up on it because I really believe that God will protect me.

I am sitting in my very quite home and giving thanks that God protected me and watches over me. Nothing like a shooting to remind me how thankful I am to have God as my Protector and Comforter.

Speaking Evil

I heard this quote on talk radio not that long ago. I wish I could remember who said it. It seems very appropriate since I live in the very liberal state of California. Many of my liberal friends would rather walk on hot coals than call evil...well, evil.

"Many consider is more evil to judge evil, than to actually do evil".

Sometimes I think we try so hard not to offend that we err on not making right judgments.

Wise Words of Coco Chanel

Words to live by...

Coco Chanel who, when asked how tight a woman's clothes should be, replied,

"Close enough to show she's a woman; loose enough to show she's a lady!"

Just A Dream

Okay, I had the craziest dream!!! It is one of those dreams that causes you to wake up from it thinking, “please let this be a dream…please…please….please”.

So, it started out with me being really happy and excited. But then when I started to wonder why I was so happy I realized that I had had myself artificially inseminated and was pregnant (ew!). Once that started to sink in, I realized I would have to tell my parents (insert fainting here)!! Talk about a feeling of buyer’s remorse!! The feelings of dread started to flow in the dream. Then the dream jumped to me being at church services standing with my mother as she tried to explain to some of the little old ladies that while I was pregnant I was still a virgin. At this point I realize I am going to have to explain the situation to the little girls at church that I am so close to (vomit!). At this point in the dream, I am starting to think, “please let this be a dream!”. And that is about where I woke up. With that feeling of dread pressing down on me. Is that the craziest dream or what?

I was trying to think what could have brought this dream on, but for life of me I have no idea. It is not like I have been contemplating knocking myself up! :) A baby needs two parents, and it might just be me but I would like to actually experience sex before I have a baby. And to do that…well I need a husband…quaint, I know.

I can honestly say that I have never been happier to wake up to find a dream is just a dream. :) Not that a baby wouldn’t be lovely, but I prefer my cart behind the horse…just a personal preference I have. Call me crazy.

As the sister of a former Marine who served in Iraq, I find this video particularly moving. The respect that these soldier show in doing their job is really humbling.

Political Propoganda

One of the things the annoys me no end is people that espouse themselves to be open minded politically, but are incapable of a rational discussion about the Presidential candidates.

For some reason there seems to be this strange almost cultish following of Barack Obama. So much so, that people are unwilling to address any of the issues that will likely come up in the real election. Mind you I live in a very liberal area, so maybe it is just here. It is almost as though they are offended that anyone would even question Mr. Obama's policies, motivations or agendas...and any questioning is look on as either a form of racism or that the person doing the questioning must be some kind of religious/conservative zealot.

Now I don't vote for religious reasons, but even if I did I would be hard pressed to voted for anyone whether it be Ron Paul, McCain or Obama.

I have to agree with my dad when he quotes, "the whole head is sick".

Budgetted Out

I am taking a brief breather from doing my budget. That is my homework this week from FPU. On one hand it sucks because I don't have as much money to put towards my debt on a monthly basis as I thought, but on the other hand it has also explained why my money wasn't going as far as I thought it should. Pretty eye opening.

Now I just have to stay on said budget :) I am pretty sure prayers will be required. Go figure. I guess if it was easy everyone would do it.

Wedding Dresses and Nakedness

We had the older kids for the afternoon and had fun hanging out. Zoey and I spend quite awhile watching a show called, "Say Yes To The Dress". It is a reality shows about a Manhattan bridal salon. Nothing like the girls watching a show all about wedding dresses. I got tickled about Zoey pointing several times how immodest some of the dresses were. :)

One of the things that shocked me while watching television was a commercial (I can't remember what it was for), that had a woman standing in line for a bank while naked. They made a point of showing her backside and from the side with only her purse to hide anything. All of the sudden the woman draws the man's attention to the security guard who is walking around naked except for his gun belt. I made a point of telling the kids how inappropriate it was, but I didn't know what to say.

Besides the naked stuff I loved the show. Nothing like seeing girls find the dresses of their dreams. :)